Race For The Author
The Author escapes to the forest with Emma and her parents hot on his heels.
Mary Margaret and David tell Emma that The Author was once the peddler who tricked them and (through their line of ridiculous rationalization) caused Malificient to lose her baby.
Emma is like, "Um, no. You're the ones who poured pure evil into a baby's soul and then tossed it down a hell hole."
The Author is soon found by Mr. Gold who tells him that a magic quill can only be made from enchanted trees—which he'll never find in Storybrooke.
"You're a big pain in the ass," The Author says.
"Whatever," Mr. Gold replies. "I've got a magic quill and you're going to write me a whole bunch of new endings."
The Author agrees because being caught by Emma and her parents is more dangerous than going along with the Dark One.
What? Why do people keep doing whatever he asks?
Regina wakes up in magical handcuffs! Mr. Gold lets her know he's got The Author on his team. When Regina refuses to join, he asks her to call Robin and see how he and Marion are doing. When Regina calls...
What have Robin Hood and Marion and their little son been up to? Well, like every magical character, they head to Manhattan. Apparently, Regina gave him the keys to Neal's apartment because I'm sure after a year of being vacant with no one paying rent, it's still available.
Once they get settled, the newly banished Mr. Gold arrives. Unsure why they're squatting his late son's apartment. Mr. Gold tells them to bugger off, then he collapses to the floor.
Robin visits Mr. Gold in the hospital where he's dying from a poisoned heart, or as we call it, myocardial infarct. Mr. Gold also tells him that even though they're in a non-magical world, they can use magical items if they're brought from a magical place. He needs a heart healing potion!
Um...no, no, NO! That's breaking the rules!
Marion had to leave Storybrooke because Regina's magic wasn't strong enough to break the frozen curse and the only way she could survive is if they went to a non-magical land.
My head hurts.
Did you know that Selena had a correspondent set up in an abandoned New York boutique to keep an eye on Henry and Emma?
Robin searches the dusty store and quickly locates a fancy green drawer. There's no lock. He finds a bottle shaped like a heart full of red liquid.
I guess that's it.
Marion is upset when Robin returns with a potion to save Mr. Gold. She says, "Why don't you just let him die."
Come on, Marion. Kill the Dark One? Why on earth would we want to get rid of the evil guy who everyone hates, yet all do his bidding for ridiculous reasons?
Robin brings the potion to Mr. Gold and makes him promise to let him have Neal's apartment. Mr. Gold agrees and takes a sip. But guess what? It's not the real elixir.
Marion arrives with the real bottle of elixir, touches her green pendant and reveals that she's actually Selena.
After Mr. Gold stabbed her in the jailhouse, Selena's soul went traveling back through the barn floor to the enchanted forest. She floated around until she saw that Emma was going to bring Marion back to Storybrooke. She entered Marion's body, killed her, and then used her pendant to cast a concealment charm.
How can she kill Marion if that's the body she's occupying?
My head hurts!
Selena does a lot of close talking. She toys with Mr. Gold's respirator while telling him her diabolical plan to ensure The Author gives her a happy ending. In exchange, she'll give him the real elixir.
I have to say, Selena does a smashing awesome sneering monologue.
Mr. Gold leaves the hospital and Robin is there with a box of Neal's belongings. Mr. Gold says it only brings him unhappiness as a reminder of how much he's lost. Then he tells Robin to follow his heart to find his own happiness.
*Cough* leave Marion *cough*
Now we're back to when Marion and Robin own a pub. One of his Merry Men try to convince him to go back to his ways of stealing to defy the evil Sheriff of Nottingham.
Did someone say Sheriff?
Ah, good times...good times.
Anyway, the other Sheriff threatens to shut down the pub if they don't pay their taxes, he also acts like a scum bag to Marion. After closing, Rumplestiltskin shows up asking for Robin Hood's thieving expertise. In exchange for gold, he asks him to visit another realm to steal the elixir of the wounded heart.
As per previous episodes, you can only move between realms by...
#1. Magic Bean
#3. Spells (but only certain spells at certain times)
#4. Ursula's tentacles
Robin enters the realm of OZ through a magical mirror.
*Adds magical mirror to list*
He sees Will and the two chit chat about potions that can mend broken hearts. And blah, blah, blah because I'm hardly invested in these two characters so just get on with it.
Dressed as a flying monkey guard, Robin easily sneaks into the wicked witch's castle and steals some elixir. Selena soon emerges and breaks into three witches to fool him. He shoots an arrow, causes vapors, then escapes.
Back at the pub, the Sheriff of Nottingham returns to claim taxes, but the Merry Men prevent him and Robin gives the gold coins to the peasants. "My thieving can be put to good use," he tells Marion. "When you steal for yourself, that makes you a thief, but when you steal for someone else, that makes you a hero."
Sounds like something Mary Margaret and David would agree with.
When Regina calls Robin's phone, Selena answers. "Hello, sis."
Regina says, "I don't understand."
Take a number, babe.
When Selena hangs up, Mr. Gold tells Regina that even though Selena killed his son, he's working with her now. Unless Regina helps him turn Emma's heart dark, Robin is a dead man.
Who will Regina chose to save, Robin or Emma?
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