Or better title, "That Damn Puppet!"
|It all started with a magic bean...|
photo credit, hypable.com
Knowing they need the magic compass to get back to Storybrooke, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Mulan stare up at the sky scraping bean stalk while the ever silent, Sleeping Beauty...well, just stares.
Captain Sexy Eyes gives the girls (and us), a brief history lesson about how giants used to grow magic portal beans. Big monsters declare war on humans all the time in fairytale land, and the human army was led by a shy farmer named Jack. After an epic battle atop the famous bean stalk, one giant remains.
Really? I would've bet on the giants.
Captain Sexy Eyes shows them his special glowing bracelet that will allow him to climb the enchanted vine, but here's the twist, he only has one more bracelet since it was supposed to be used by Cora.
Um...couldn't she just fly up or something?
We see Emma with a pony tail and glasses—this is clearly, pre-Henry. She steals a yellow bug—yes that yellow bug. A guy pops up from the backseat making her scream.
photo credit, examiner.com
Hey! It's the guy from the useless prologue from the first episode. What is Bellfire doing in Emma's yellow bug? *Reaches for Tylenol*
He starts to flirt with her, which should be the first red flag, and asks her out for drinks. It's soon apparent this guy is smitten, and not the owner of the car.
Wow! What are the odds the car you've stolen has already been stolen? Pretty basic first date so far. It also happens to be the way I met my husband.
Emma convinces Mary Margaret to let her accompany Captain Sexy Eyes up the bean stalk. Mulan gives her a sack of poppy seeds to use as a powerful sleeping potion. (Well sure, if you're going to have Frankenstein, you might as well in corporate The Wizard of Oz).
Emma makes Mulan promise to chop down the vine if she's not back in ten hours, and...psst, make sure to get Mary Margaret back to Storybrooke.
They start to climb, and I'm thinking ten hours was a generous estimate.
Hello! You're climbing into the clouds!
Captain Sexy Eyes takes this opportunity to flirt with Emma. With his usual confident swagger, he teases she has the look of an orphan, so similar to all the Lost Boys on Neverland. He can tell she's never truly been in love.
A very pregnant Emma, and her car stealing boyfriend, enter a convenience store and practise their shoplifting skills. They run out with Emma's fake tummy full of pop and Twinkies.
What kind of criminals are they? Shouldn't they be doing something more than pocketing gum?
Anyway, the nameless boyfriend gets all sentimental and convinces Emma that it's time to settle down and start eating real food. She closes her eyes, points to the map and chooses...Tallahassee.
Mulan makes a sundial and schedules sleep shifts. Mary Margaret convinces Aurora—yes! I can finally stop typing 'Sleeping Beauty'—to catch a few winks as well, but she whines that her nightmares keep her up. That plus the fact she's been asleep for like a hundred years...
Emma and Captain Sexy Eyes finally make it to the top and find a derelict castle looming in front of them. He administers some first aid to a cut on her hand, but Emma is so head strong and tough she's immune to his charms.
He takes off his manly pirate scarf, wraps it around her hand, and then knots it off with is teeth. All the while giving her a hypnotic stare with those terribly, sexy eyes. Then he leans close...so close I can count his eyelashes and smell a faint taste of rum off his breath.
Er...sorry. Right, ahem.
|It's not eyeliner, it's face paint for men.|
photo credit, tvfilmnews.com
Emma sees his tattoo of Melana's name on his arm and she figures out that Mr. Gold took more than his hand. But the pirate has no desire to talk about his feelings either, instead they discuss the best way to attack the giant.
Emma's boyfriend confesses he's in hot water for a bag of stolen watches, and the cops are looking for him. He breaks the news that Tallahassee is out, and he needs to escape to Canada...alone. But Emma has been picturing days spent at the beach while pickpocketing tourists. She convinces him to let her retrieve the watches from his locker at the train station...or something like that.
It doesn't matter, we all know it's not going to end well.
|This dude looks LOST.|
photo credit, tumblr.com
As per some elaborate plan, Captain Sexy Eyes makes a lot of noise to summon the Giant. The big curly haired dude, from Lost shows up. While Captain Sexy Eyes distracts him, Emma throws the whole bag of poppy powder at his face. Within seconds Hurley falls.
Mulan checks her sundial and the ever helpful Aurora has a nightmare. She tells Mary Margaret she was trapped in a room with burning curtains. There was someone else with her, hiding in the corner, but all she could see were his eyes. Mary Margaret soothes her back to sleep and this scene was such an obvious info-dump it isn't even funny.
Captain Sexy Eyes keeps pocketing golden treasure while Emma impatiently prompts him to hurry up. They stumble across several booby traps and more flirting continues—Emma's 'tough girl with a heart of stone persona' is an interesting challenge for the pirate.
Emma goes to the train station and easily retrieves the stolen watches. She jumps into the yellow bug, where her guy is waiting. He puts one of the watches on her wrist, takes the rest to sell speedy quick, and then they're Tallahassee bound, baby!
Gee, I hope nothing bad happens.
Lover Boy doesn't get very far before he's attacked....by August Wayne Booth. He wastes no time in playing the magic card, and blurts out that Emma has a destiny. And here's a hint, it has nothing to do with Tallahassee. In order to convince him, August walks him over to his motorcycle and shows him something in a box.
It must be one hell of a good trick, because the boyfriend doesn't even bat an eye when August proceeds to tell him everything.
photo credit, theexaminer.com
Emma is arrested after being told she was set up by her lover boy.
The giant wakes up and runs into the castle, causing such a ground shaking disturbance, that Captain Sexy Eyes is trapped under falling rocks.
Please, please, please, stop killing off the hot guys.
August and lover boy meet up in Vancouver, CANADA!!! Emma will be in jail for eleven months. Lover Boy is upset that he can't have any contact with her. He hands over the keys to the yellow bug. August promises to watch over Emma.
We know how that turned out the last time, right?
Lover Boy begs August to send him word when it's safe to see her again.
Giant Hurley picks up Emma and starts to crush her, apparently he has some unresolved issues over the whole 'humans whipped out my species' thing. Emma is brilliant under pressure and she bites his huge thumb with her tiny teeth. This causes enough searing pain for him to drop her.
He runs after her and she springs one of the booby traps. With a poisoned tipped sword aimed straight for his eye, Giant Hurley gives Emma the magic compass, snarling that all humans are killers. Emma walks away without harming him, and he smashes out of the trap. But, instead of crushing her or making soup with her bones, he helps dig out Captain Sexy Eyes.
Emma quickly shows him the compass but refuses to let him have it. Then she handcuffs him to a post, saying she has trust issues and just needs a head start.
photo credit, examiner.com
Mulan checks her sundial, and realizes that ten hours have passed. She starts to cut down the bean stalk causing Mary Margaret to freak out and attack her. Meanwhile, Aurora stands and watches. Yup, she just stands and watches.
Emma jumps down from the air, breaking up the fight. Mary Margaret gives her a lecture about death wishes and tells her the only way they go back to Storybrooke is together.
Emma sits in prison with her positive pregnancy test.
Henry wakes from a nightmare, and is quickly consoled by David. He describes a room with burning curtains and a girl who just stands there and stares at him.
Hmm...standing and staring? Does that sound like anyone we know?
Predictions for next episode
Emma starts drinking rum and keeps Captain Sexy Eye's scarf close to her heart.
Lover Boy arrives in Storybrooke and is surprised to see that everyone, even the dwarfs, are better looking than him.
David furrows his brow, then looks longingly into the camera and once again wishes there was magic so he could make a portal to fairytale land.